Current mood:

irate

Customer service is fun!
Best Phone Call Ever, as of half an hour ago:

Me: Good morning, Cardiology, this is Zmayhem.

Random Woman: I'm a longtime patient of Dr. S's. I'm looking for his assistant.

Me: Yes, that's me. How can I help you?

RW: He usually sees patients on Mondays, right?

Me: Yes; he's in clinic now.

RW: I need to know if I could slip in to see him this afternoon.

Me: Well [if you're a longtime patient you already know he's always booked four or five months in advance, so I'm fairly certain that as of right this minute a melting snowball in hell has a better chance of getting an appointment for this afternoon than you do], ma'am, the clinic would be able to answer that for you; let me give you the number and transfer you.

RW (in winky-winky confidential tones): I'm just very concerned, and I thought I'd better get in to see him while I still can, before socialized medicine happens. I'm used to being able to see my specialists right away. I'm very concerned.

Me (brightly): Well, socialized medicine would be a wonderful thing, but I regret to say that we're probably at least a decade away at the earliest.

RW: Well, then, single payer. Isn't that even worse? Anyhow, I want to see him today, before the socialism.

Me: ::brains explode::